


You Were Made to Be Mine

by dancergrl1



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, F/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-03-28 08:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13900104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancergrl1/pseuds/dancergrl1
Summary: Anne’s always had issues with body image. With a job like hers, how could she not?





	1. It’s happening again

**Author's Note:**

> So this is way, way darker than I usually write. But it seems plausible and i really think it could happen.

It was the third time in as many weeks that Philip had had to pull Anne’s costume ties tighter for her. Normally she had them pre-tied, so she could slip it on and off quickly. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and walked off to warm up and loosen the fabric that always tightened up. 

He went to walk away when WD approached him. They’d reached something of an agreement, but honestly? He still made Philip nervous. 

“Philip,” the acrobat stated. 

Philip was startled at how low, how uncertain his voice was. “WD? What’s wrong?” He asked hurriedly. 

“Anne just asked you to tighten her ties again didn’t she?” He asked it in a normal voice, but he could hear the frustration, and, oddly, the fear behind it.

“Yeah, she did. Why?” He was at a loss. From the tone of WD”s voice, it couldn’t be good.

“Dammit. It’s happening again.” He muttered to himself. Turning to the other man, he continued. “That’s not good. Philip, after tonight, I need you to pull us from the show for a few weeks. And I’m gonna need your support in a major way.” He stated. 

Philip nodded. He didn’t know what was going on, but his stomach sank anyways. He went to the tent’s separator between the ring and the backstage area, and he watched Anne’s performance. Her face was more determined than usual, but there were new tricks every night, so he wasn’t surprised. 

He prepared himself for the finale, wondering the entire time what WD meant. He figured he’d soon find out.  
—  
The finale went off without a hitch, and after bows Philip pulled aside Barnum and explained, as best he could, the situation.

“Barnum, WD’s asked me to pull him and Anne from the show for a few weeks.” He began. 

Barnum was taken aback. “What? Why?”

Philip tried to explain. “He asked me after Anne had me tightening her ties again. His only response to the situation was ‘It’s happening again’, when I answered him earlier.”

Barnum frowned. “Have you noticed anything different?”

Philip thought back over the last few weeks. He couldn’t think of anything out of the ordinary. “Nothing I can think of.” 

Barnum shrugged. “Suppose there’s not much I can do, WD knows her better than anyone.” He gave his blessing, and Philip found WD. 

“Barnum’s said it’s alright.” He informed him. 

WD nodded. “Go call us a cab, we’ll need it to get back to your home. Hope you’re ready for houseguests.”

Philip couldn’t help consider the vaguely ominous tone his statement took. He stepped outside and hitched his horse to his carriage. He’d ridden it in that day to make sure nothing froze up, and he watched as WD practically carried a limp Anne towards him. 

“What the...WD, what’s going on?!” He asked worriedly. 

WD, ever stoic, shook his head firmly. “I’ll explain once we’re settled at your place. Trust me.” 

Philip found he had no choice. Directing the horse homeward, he began to drive.   
—  
Upon arrival, Philip realized how weak Anne was. He chalked it up to post-show exhaustion, and helped WD bring her into his apartment. They deposited Anne in the main bedroom. Philip left to give them privacy while WD got Anne into something more comfortable. When WD emerged, his face was drawn, long and tired. Philip skipped offering tea and instead poured two glasses of something stronger. 

“Is she alright?” He asked, an attempt to break the silence. 

WD shook his head. “Not really.” He responded. He turned the glass round and round in his hand, trying to find the words to describe what was going on. He opened his mouth to speak when a sob sounded from behind the door. WD was in the room before Philip even had time to react. 

“Anne, it's alright. You’re alright, little sister. I’m right here. We’re okay.” He whispered to her. 

Philip decided his best decision would be to stand back and observe. That was, until WD waved him over. He sat gingerly on the bed, and WD indicated to him to copy his movements. He began to run a hand up and down her side, her back, and then he realized. He could feel her bones under her skin. There was almost nothing between them. He felt ill. 

“WD...why?” Was all he could force out. 

WD shook his head. “Not now, carlyle. Now is not the time for you to have a fit.” He stated, more force than he intended. 

Philip nodded. Sooner, than he’d anticipated, Anne was sleeping on the pillows, blankets covering her thin (too thin how had he not NOTICED not SEEN IT dammit) form. 

WD gestured to the kitchen. Philip had no choice but to follow. He didn’t make it far, stumbling to the couch between the kitchen and bedroom. He felt his breath coming short. “What...how...why...when...W...WD?” He gasped out on each exhale. He felt a pair of strong, steady arms encircle him. A hand was dragged out of his hair (when did it get there was he pulling his hair ow something hurt what when had that happened) and pressed to the chest behind him. 

“In…out…” the voice was steady, reassuring, like they’d done this a thousand times. 

Philip focused on trying to breathe, instead of the questions swirling in his head. 

“That’s it, Philip, keep breathing. It’s alright.” 

These are the wrong words, as his breathing picks back up and he starts stumbling over his words. “How can you say it’s ok when she’s laying in there emaciated and dying and starving and nobody will tell me why and I didn’t see it and how can you possibly KNOW it’s alright it’s not alright it’s not alright it’s not alright.” He continues this line of speech as his breathing increases. 

WD curses himself inwardly and dramatically pulls in a breath. “Philip, you are alright. It’s going to be alright. You need to breathe in, breathe out. Like this.” He continues to breathe dramatically, and Philip closes his eyes, focusing on his breathing. 

“WD, please. Tell me what’s going on.” He begged, when his breathing had righted itself. 

WD looked at him seriously. “You have to promise me you’re ready for it.” 

“Please. I need to know. I love her.”


	2. Sharing and reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WD tells how it all began, and they both reflect on what they didn’t notice before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So actual diagnoses of eating disorders wasn’t started until after the 1870s, and since Jenny lind’s Tour ended in 1852 that’s the timeline we’re working with, so they don’t exist yet. That’s why the language is so vague. Enjoy!

“It started when we began training.” WD began. “She would look at the other girls, the white, rich girls, and how thin and lithe they looked in their leotards. Well, Anne and I couldn’t really afford one, so she wore just a shirt and shorts to train. Like she does now in practice. She looked at them and then herself, and saw the differences. The other girls made fun of her, saying she wore them because she didn’t fit into a leotard. I don’t know how she did it without me noticing, but she nearly passed out from it. When i carried her down to our rooms, i realized that she was too light. I pulled her from lessons until she was back to something resembling healthy a. She fought me every damn step of the way.” WD takes a moment to take a deep breath in. “She’s done it a few times, since, but usually it’s a result of nerves, stress, something that throws her off. I think it’s her way of getting some control back.”

Philip swallowed, hard, and tossed down the entire glass in front of him. “So what are we going to do?” 

WD shook his head. “I don’t know. I’d bet within the next couple days she’ll get sick with something. She always does when she pulls this. She becomes so much more vulnerable to whatever someone is carrying around. We’ll have to manage that first, otherwise we’ll be drowning in trying to do everything.”

Philip shook his head. She was so perfect. What could have done this to his amazing, beautiful girl?

WD looked at him knowingly. “I don’t know what she thinks when she does it. She won’t talk to me about it. She won’t talk to anyone.”

“How did you…”

“Because I’ve thought it too. I’ve always asked myself the exact same questions.”

Philip poured another glass. They toasted to each other, and threw it down. It was going to be a long night.   
—  
WD always hated being right. The next morning, sure as the sun was rising, Anne’s temperature was coming up with it. 

“Carlyle!” He bellowed. 

Philip, never a morning person, blinked owlishly at him. “WD...wha…?” He asked, dazed. 

WD resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Now was not the time. “Get a glass of water, and drink it. Then, refill that glass, and bring it to me.”

Philip nodded, and stumbled off to do what he was told. There wasn’t time to argue. 

When he returned with the glass, WD had to admit he looked rather improved. At least, he looked more alert. “Here’s the water. Is she alright?” 

WD turned to look at him. “She’s sick, just like i figured. Which makes this harder by tenfold. She doesn’t eat when she’s sick. Which makes our jobs harder. She can’t afford to be doing that right now.” 

Philip nodded again. “Yeah...yeah ok. We’ll figure it out. She’ll be alright...right?” 

WD looked at him fiercely. “She will be.” He turned back to his sister. “Anne...Anne it’s time to wake up…” he said softly. Anne groggily blinked her eyes open. 

“Dee…” she whispered. She smiled dopily and closed her eyes again.

“Anne.” He says with more force. “Wake up.” 

She groaned out a long “nooooo”. 

Philip decided to try something. “Anne, darling, wake up. It’s time to get up now, let’s go.” He cajoled, a smile tinting his words. 

Anne opened her eyes again. “Flip?” She asked hopefully. 

Philip moved into her line of sight. “Right here, darling. Can you sit up?” 

Anne tried to heave herself up, but her arms were so thin they wouldn't hold her up. He wondered, fleetingly, how she’d made it through the show last night but now couldn’t even sit up. Letting the thought go, but swearing to come back to it later, he slid in behind her and helped her sit up. “WD’s got water for you, can you drink some? You’re really warm.” He whispered in her ear. 

Anne shook her head. “No, tired. Please, wanna sleep.” Her tone was begging, and dammit if Philip didn’t want to give in. He looked at WD for help. 

“Anne, you need to drink some water.” WD said adamantly. He was just as moved by her pleading tone, but he had to push aside how much it hurt him and focus on her getting better. 

Anne, pouting, turned away from him. This turned her towards Philip, who then took over. “Anne, just three sips. That’s all. Please?” He was begging, he knew, but it was hurting him to see her like this. 

She deepened her frown, if that was even possible, but muttered a resigned “Fine. No more.” 

Philip could have cried when she sipped at the water. She took a couple more, because surprisingly, it felt good on her dry throat. She shoved the water glass back towards her brother. “Sleep now?” She asked sarcastically. Even when she was sick, she was still sassy. 

WD breathed out. “Yeah. Yeah, you can sleep.” He ran a gentle hand over her back, holding back a wince. He really should have noticed. 

Philip tried to disentangle himself from her grip, but she just held on tighter. “No, please, don’t go, please philip.” 

She was already half asleep, but he stopped his efforts. He couldn’t bring himself to continue. “It’s alright, I’ll stay right here. It’s alright, Anne. Just sleep.”

She was asleep, curled around him like an octopus, holding him in place with a grip like iron. WD came in shortly after to ask him what his hold up was, and laughed when he saw them. “She’s got you trapped good.” He observed with a smile. 

Philip waved his hands. “That’s all the mobility I’ve got. She...got upset when i tried to leave. Then she got comfortable. And here we are.” 

WD can’t help himself. He laughs. He laughs at the absurdity of the entire situation. It’s been a stressful few days, and he could either laugh or cry. Philip looks at him, concerned. “WD, are...are you alright?” He asks hesitantly. 

WD pulled himself together. “Yeah, it’s just...everything, the last few days...anyways, i came in here to ask. Do you have bullion cubes? Or some type of something to make a broth?” 

Philip considered what he had. “I’m not honestly sure. I’m not really here a lot anymore.” 

WD bobbed his head side to side. “Alright. I’ll figure something out. We have to eat.” 

Philip brightened. “I bought bread, yesterday. Toast is good for illness, isn’t it?”

WD nodded. “We can try it. I’m not sure it’ll work. With how she is, she hasn’t eaten a whole lot in a while.”

He left the room, and Philip pondered his statement. When he thought about it, given the context he had now, she had been disappearing a lot. Especially at mealtimes. 

Usually, lunch was the divider of the day. Before, they had individual rehearsals, working on new acts, and after lunch was a dry marking of the show, then a full rehearsal. They would tweak it, and then it was downtime before the show. The troupe tended to eat together, and they rotated cooking duties between volunteers. 

Philip thought about it, and he realized that Anne hadn’t been present at lunch for several days. 

“WD?” He called out. He heard harried footsteps rush across the apartment. 

“Is everything alright?” He rushed out. 

“Well, she’s alright for now. I just...i just realized. She hasn’t been at lunch, recently. I was just thinking about it.”

WD sat in a chair nearby. “I guess i should’ve realized. She’s been pushing herself in practice lately too. She’s been spending hours working on her solo routine. Without eating anything, either. I just put it down to stress. I should’ve realized.” 

There seemed to be a lot of that going around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review!


	3. Getting Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne gets worse, and WD needs to enlist help.

The next time Anne woke, she wasn’t herself. She didn’t know what was going on. She was listless, and complaining of cold, even though she was hot to the touch. She was crying, clutching WD. She wouldn’t let him go.

It was heartbreaking. 

WD continued giving her water, and Philip had gotten a bucket of ice water and put a small collection of rags inside it. Every time the one he was wiping her with got warm, he would change it out. She protested the actions, desperately trying to get away from the cold. Philip was crying too, and felt horrible for trying to keep her healthy. Eventually, it got to be too much for him, and despite WD’s protests, he wrapped her in his arms and whispered an endless stream of apologies and nothings in her ear. 

Surprisingly, it was calming both of them down. “It’s alright. I’m so sorry, it’s alright now, i’m so sorry Anne, it’s not meant to be hurting you oh I’m sorry.” His own voice was choked with tears. 

Anne’s breathing was still hitching, but her tears were drying up, and it was evening out with every exhale. 

“Anne?” WD asked carefully. She rolled her head towards him, rubbing it across Philip’s shirt. 

“Mm…” she murmured. 

“Anne, I’ve got to go out for a bit.” Seeing her distress, he stopped. 

“Noo…” she muttered. 

“Can Philip go out?” he asked softly.

“Philip?” she asked, confused. 

Philip choked. She didn’t know who he was. 

“Yeah, Philip. You know him. He’s got you, safe and sound.” WD replied. His tone was even, but his face told another story. 

“WD...please...stay...I’m...I’m sorry.” she started to cry again miserably. 

Philip knew to move even before WD came towards them. 

“It’s alright, Anne, i’m right here. I’m right here Annie, til the day you say you’re sick of me.”

“N’t...gonna be.” she mumbled. The warm hand going up and down her back was making her tired, and she relaxed into her brother. Sooner than he would have liked, she was asleep. 

He gestured to Philip to meet him in the kitchen. 

Philip walked away, heart somewhere around his knees, only one thought swirling in his head. ‘She doesn’t know who I am.’

WD emerged from the bedroom, having settled Anne and snuck a cold cloth on her head. 

Philip’s pale face gave him reason for concern. “Philip?” he asked softly. 

He came back to himself suddenly. “I’m alright. Really. You said you needed to go out?” His tone was approaching his normal bravado, but it fell short. 

“Actually, I think I need more help. I need to go call on the Barnums…” 

“What? Why?” Philip interjected.

WD’s glare cut him off. “Because this is too much for me to handle alone. Anne’s never been this bad, and your flipping out isn’t helping.” He took no pleasure in the brutal honesty, but he needed to explain why he needed the help. “I need someone else to be able to get the things I need, to watch her and you when I need to sleep, to help me handle this. I can’t do it alone, not this time.” 

Philip felt horrible, but he knew WD’s words were true. “I’ll pull the carriage around. They really can’t say no. Charity won’t let him.” 

The small smile Philip caught on his way out the door was worth the joke at PT’s expense.   
\---  
WD gathered his sister into his arms. She was incoherent, not understanding what was going on. She didn’t understand why they’d had to move, why they were in the carriage, or where they were going. All she knew was that she was with WD and he’d keep her safe, that he knew what he was doing. She held onto him tightly, and didn’t appear to be letting go anytime soon. 

WD could see the tension in Philip’s shoulders from within the carriage. He felt vaguely guilty for being the cause of it. But if he was going to love her so completely, he had to know everything. And this, unfortunately, was part of his sister for better or for worse. If Philip couldn’t deal with it, he had to either learn, or tell Anne himself. 

He watched as they rolled into the drive in front of the imposing home. Charity was waiting on the overlook, and hardly seemed surprised. 

She called out something, and judging by Philip’s raised hand, it had been him she called out for. 

Philip climbed off the seat and came around to open the door. WD adjusted his sister in his arms. Climbing out, she moaned, but showed no other real reaction to the movement. That was not good. 

“Philip...WD...what…?” Charity couldn't settle in a question. 

Philip, ever poised, put a solid hand on her shoulder. “I promise we will explain, but please, can we get her inside first?” His tone is pleading, like he's still expecting to be turned away. 

Charity shook her head to clear it. “Of course, dear God, of course.” She left them inside and up the stairs to a bedroom. WD laid his sister on top of the bed, not covering her for fear of overheating. 

“Thank you, Charity.” Philip breathed out. 

WD turned towards her, embarrassed that he hadn’t thought about his manners. “Thank you, Mrs. Barnum.” 

Charity smiled. “Please, it’s just charity to my friends.” She pulled over two chairs from the sitting area they had in the rooms, and settled herself into one of them, staring at the boys expectantly. 

WD began, and Philip picked up when the other couldn’t continue. By the end, Charity was visibly upset, but holding herself together surprisingly well. 

“We’ll fix it. We have some medication left from the last time the girls had fevers, and i know how sensitive appetites work. And there were girls at school who did this, to look prettier. It’s going to be alright.”

It was the first time in years WD believed those words.


	4. Anne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter from Anne's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Anne doesn't really know what's going on, and so she's confused and the only person she really recognizes is WD.

“Anne?” a voice whispered in her ear. She didn’t recognize it...but it sounded like a nice voice. 

 

She hummed in response. 

 

“Anne…” the tone became more teasing, and a hand came up to stroke over her head. 

 

She batted it away. It was too hot. Another body joined the circle, and it was much too hot. She began to whimper, she was so uncomfortable. 

 

“Annie, you awake?” 

 

It was her brother. She was alright because WD was here. She rolled towards his voice. “Duh...dee.” she slurred.    
  
“Yeah, it’s me. You need to wake up, it’s time to eat.” 

 

Anne didn’t want to eat. Her costume wouldn’t fit and she would get fired and then where would she and WD be? She shook her head stubbornly. 

 

“Anne, you need to eat.” he said again. 

 

This time, she opened her eyes to slits, challenging him. “No.” she said flatly. At least, that was her intention. It came out as more of a whine. 

 

“Anne...please?” there was a pleading tone to the other voice, and she rolled her head atop the pillow towards it. She recognized the face that was sitting there, but couldn’t put a face to it.

 

“Why?” she asked. 

 

“Because i love you.” he responded sincerely. 

 

Anne rolled her eyes, feeling the world spin as she did so. Closing her eyes to make the world stop spinning, she felt two pairs of hands slip beneath her back. She groaned as they sat her up, feeling the vertigo get worse. She slumped towards her brother, muttering “D’zzy” dazedly. 

 

She felt him tense. “Dee...y’u ‘kay?” she asked, still dizzy and confused. 

 

His voice was thick when he answered. “Yeah, Annie. I’m alright.” 

 

She shook her head. “Li’r.” 

 

“I’ll be alright. Once you are.” he tried again. 

 

She shrugged. Feeling less like the world was spinning around her, she opened her eyes. She was relieved to see the blanket’s pattern stay still. 

 

“Anne?” her brother asked, concerned. 

 

In response, she sat up slowly. She blinked a couple times, and shook her head to try to clear it.    
  
“Good morning.” he said with a teasing smile. 

 

She frowned at him, not impressed. “Tired, wanna sleep.” 

 

He looked at her evenly. “You need to eat.” 

 

She clamped her lips shut. “No...please.” Her tone begged him not to make her, but he shoved aside his regrets that were building and looked at her. 

 

“Anne, i’m not doing this. You need to eat.” 

 

She felt the tears prick her eyes right before they rolled down her face. “Can’t...costume...fired...streets…” she muttered, the words disconnected. 

 

“Anne, you need to. It’s alright. We will be alright, i promise.” He was aware he’d made, and broken, that promise before, but he was willing to take that chance. 

 

“Promise?” her tone reminded him more of Helen, or Caroline, when they were looking for reassurances.

 

“Promise.” he responded resolutely. 

 

WD turned towards the other person, and took a bowl from his hands. Anne swallowed convulsively, her gag reflex already working at the mere sight. 

 

“Think you can do half?” WD asked softly. 

 

She shook her head. 

 

“Can you try?” he asked, just as soft. 

 

She nodded. He lifted the spoon to her mouth, and even though every instinct was telling her to keep her mouth closed, she opened. The contents were poured into her mouth, and she resisted the urge to spit it out. It takes a few tries to swallow it, most of it sliding down of its own accord. She wrinkled her nose, and her stomach sent up a warning. 

 

“Anne?” the voice was caring, wrapping around her like a blanket. 

 

She shook her head. “Noo...no more.” 

 

WD ran a hand down the back of her head, down to the back of her neck. He left a comforting hand there. “Anne, you gotta eat.” he said. “I know you don’t feel good. But you have to eat, little sister.” 

 

Anne felt tears begin to slide down her face. She shook her head again. “No, please.” she tried again. She saw her brother’s face straining not to crumble. 

 

“Anne, please. For me?” he begged. 

 

Anne finally nodded miserably. He slipped the spoon in again, and she swallowed unhappily. They repeated the actions a few more times until her hand flew to her mouth and her face paled. 

 

“No more?” he asked gently. 

 

Anne nodded gratefully. 

 

“Just some water, then you can sleep. You’re still really warm.” he whispered. 

 

She complied sluggishly, with him holding the cup carefully. When he laid her back down, she rolled towards him, curling herself around his heat. She was starting to feel cold again. He put a hand on her lower back, and she slept. 

\---

_ She was in a fire, she knew because it was so hot and so bright and painful around her. She started running towards the entrance, and ran solidly into WD’s arms. He encased her in his arms, holding her tightly against him.  _

 

_ “Anne, thank god, Anne thank god you’re alright.” he muttered on endless repeat. He looked around, and his eyes widened upon realizing someone was missing.  _

 

_ “PHILIP!” he bellowed. There was no response except the whipping of the flames.  _

 

_ She gripped him tighter, sensing what he was about to do. “No, WD, please!” she begged.  _

 

_ He pulled himself out of her arms, trying not to hear her cries. “WD!” she shrieked. It was the last thing he heard as he entered the inferno.  _

 

_ He emerged, carrying a burnt, limp figure. “WD!” She cried out again. He knelt, laying the figure in his arms on the street. They were both streaked with soot.  _

 

_ He came over to her, clutching her closely. “He’ll be alright, Anne. He will be.” he promised her.  _

 

_ Anne didn’t know why, she didn’t know who the man was, but she felt like she never wanted him to leave. She felt like she needed him to be alright.  _

 

_ As they carried him away, rushing towards a hospital, she realized his name. “Philip.” she whispered.  _

 

_ The tears made tracks in the soot on her face. _

 

_ “Anne…Anne… It’s alright.” her brother was holding her, shaking her. “Anne, wake up.” he said insistently.  _

 

_ She thought she was awake.  _

 

_ “Anne, it’s just a dream.”  _

 

_ It couldn’t be. She could smell the fire, she could feel it. She was too hot not to be near a fire. _

 

_ She didn’t remember lying down, but she shot up when she realized. _

 

“PHILIP!” she exclaimed. She looked around for him frantically, and when she couldn’t find him she began weakly struggling against the blankets that were too hot like the fire so she could go find him because he wasn’t alright even though WD had promised that he would be. 

 

Speaking of, she sent a bony elbow towards her brother, who was holding her from behind. “LET ME GO!” she shrieked. “WHERE IS HE?” 

 

Philip reentered the room, water sloshed on his shirt. “Anne?” he asked. 

 

As soon as she heard him, she stopped struggling. “Philip.” she said. She started crying miserably, reaching out for him. As soon as he was in reach, she pulled as hard as she could and clung to him. She cried into his chest until she was asleep again, exhaustion winning out, but her grip hadn’t loosened. She wasn’t letting go anytime soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review!


	5. Improvement?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne appears to be recovering, but there’s something more going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever, it’s just not coming as quickly as i’d Like it to.

Philip was holding Anne when she awoke again. This time she was more lucid. At least, she seemed to know more of what was going on around her. 

“Ph’lip?” she murmured. 

“Right here, darling.” he replied softly. 

She rubbed her face along his shirt contentedly. 

“Anne?” 

She hummed in response. 

“How’re you feeling?” he asked quietly. 

She hummed again, slightly more discontent.

“Hot...sick...cold…” she muttered out. 

Philip ran his hand up and down her back. She was still so bony. “Anne, do you think you could try some water?” he asked softly. 

Anne shook her head. “No...tired…” she murmured. 

“Anne, just a little? It might help you feel not so hot.” He responded. 

Anne shrugged, which he took as consent. He held the glass to her lips, and she sipped listlessly. When she turned her head, he didn’t push it, just set it back down. 

“Anne, are you hungry?” He asked.

Anne blanched and shook her head. “Mm-mm” she muttered. 

“Are you sure?” He was desperate. 

She shook her head, and shot him the best imitation of a glare she could muster. She rolled off of him and curled on her side, facing away from him, and it was this rejection that told him he’d pushed too far. Philip frowned, but looked towards her as he spoke. 

“I’ll get WD, then. Sleep well, darling.” He whispered the last part. 

The last thing he saw was her shoulders shaking as she cried silently. His heart broke, but she didn’t want him near. There was nothing he could have done.  
—  
He found WD with Charity in the kitchen. Charity still enjoyed cooking, and she found it cathartic when there was something concerning her. 

“Charity, she woke up briefly, and had some water. I may have pushed her. She rolled away from me, and was crying when I left.” 

Apparently this was the wrong thing to say, as WD rocketed up from his seat. “You left her crying?” He roared. 

Philip shrugged helplessly. “I couldn’t do anything, she wouldn’t even look at me.” 

Charity stepped in, ever a voice of reason. “WD, he came straight here to find us. She’s not in a rational state of mind. I know i can’t stop you, go to her. We’ll be up with medicine and food soon.” 

WD left, appearing calmer than he had been. Philip slumped into his own chair. “This...I...what…” his thoughts were as jumbled as his words. Charity’s arm around his shoulders was his undoing. He felt every one of the sleepless nights and all of his aches he’d been ignoring, and he turned himself into her. 

“It’s alright. We’ll be alright.” Charity said reassuringly. 

Philip wanted to believe her, he did, but he couldn’t. Not yet.

“I’ve made some mint tea, some ginger tea, and a bit of chicken broth for Anne.”

Philip considered her words. “That’s...that’ll be good...for her.” 

He helped Charity bring it up the back staircase, and opened the door to see WD just as hapless as he had been when he left. It filled him with a brief twist of satisfaction. Charity, sensing the tension, spoke into the silence. 

“Anne? I’ve brought some tea for you.” She said lightly, as if this was a daily occurrence. Anne’s face twisted, but she tried to sit up. Philip rushed over to help her, meeting with a disapproving look from WD. He rolled his eyes internally. He was over it. 

Charity handed her the mint tea. It was supposed to stimulate her appetite, and then she would try the broth, and finish with the ginger, which would bring down the fever. 

Unfortunately, the best laid plans oft go awry. Anne refused to keep eating after she tasted the broth. “Anne, it’s either this or a shot of medicine. It’s up to you.” Charity said sternly. 

Anne made to grumble about her choices, but WD decided for her. “Charity, prepare a needle. She’ll be taking the medication.” He said fiercely. He had a hunch it would also bring about improvement faster. 

Charity looked concerned as she complied. “You’re sure, WD?” She asked hesitantly. 

He nodded gruffly. He was ready to have his sister back. They needed to talk. 

The shriek when the needle pierced her skin was not easy for any of them to hear. She buried herself under the blankets, refusing to look at any of them. 

In case they hadn’t already gotten then message, she yelled at them, “OUT! Get out! Go away!”

They all looked sadly one last time at the bed before they left.   
—  
Philip slid to the floor right outside the door. “God, it’s so...so hard to...to know if we’re doing the right thing. She hates us for it.” 

WD responded sensibly. “She’s going to. She doesn’t want this, any more than we want her to be so unhealthy. She always comes around. At least, usually.”

Philip glared at him angrily. “What do you mean, ‘usually’?” 

WD looked at him evenly. “There have been times she stays mad. It made for a tense while a few years back. She wouldn’t even look at me unless we were training.” 

Philip swore under his breath. “So what can we do?” 

WD looked at him, sarcasm evident in just his look. “Wait her out.” 

Philip swore again.  
—  
When Anne woke up, she found herself alone. She remembered what had conspired earlier and stayed silent. She didn’t want anyone near her. 

She just wanted to look pretty in her costume. She had seen the little bump in her leotard, and she didn’t want it. She had to look just so in her costume, to keep the crowds coming back. She just didn’t expect to get caught so soon. Then, she usually just had WD looking after her. Never an entire group of people. 

She considered how easy it had still been. Every time someone reminded her it was time for dinner, or lunch, or breakfast, she’d tell them she’d be down in”Just a minute!” She never was. Two or three people would try, but eventually they would go eat, assuming stupidly she’d come down. She’d learned how to ignore her body’s pain signals for years. You had to override a lot of bodily functions in the air, such as the natural flight or fight response. It had been a matter of training. Just like everything else. Training, coupled with careful calculation of others’ actions. 

She was so deep in thought she didn’t hear the door open. She jumped when a soft hand touched her shoulder. “Anne?”

It was Charity. Anne couldn’t bear any ill will towards this sweet woman, who practically moved heaven and earth for her family. 

“Charity.” She replied pleasantly. 

She looks taken aback, but recovers quickly. “You certainly appear to be feeling better.” 

“Yes, i am rather, at the moment.” She’s not sure where this line of questioning is going. 

“Would you care to join us for dinner, then?” 

Anne considered it. It would be harder to hide her lack of consumption, but it would allow her the illusion of feeling better. “I’d love to if it’s not too much of an imposition.” 

Charity laughed lightly. “Never. You’re welcome, always.”


	6. Forward and Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne's getting better 
> 
> right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken so long. It's not coming to me as quickly, and I'd really, really like to do this properly rather than slapstick and make it horridly incorrect. Thank you so much for continuing to read.

Anne appeared to improving, at least in regards to her sickness. She was sleeping less, and coherent more often than not. She was usually worst in the mornings, when she hadn’t had the fever reducer. 

She still refused to eat, but her reasons were running thin pretty quickly. 

“Anne, eat. I know you’re feeling better. You need to eat, ‘cause nobody will let you perform until you’re well again.” WD’s voice was stern. 

“It’s not like anyone could stop me, WD.” she taunted coldly, avoiding the actual subject at hand. 

“I would. And i know about 5 other people who would too.”

“Yeah? Like who?” she challenged. 

“Philip, for one. Barnum, Lettie, and Vasili, too. With the way you look, I’d bet even O’Malley would have the sense to stop you.” 

Anne found she was out of arguments. She’d noticed how her nightgowns hung on her, and how she shook when she stood. She knew she was in a bad way, logically, but there was an overwhelming part of her telling her she was still ugly, she would never fit in her costume like this, and that if she didn’t eat she would keep her job, she would be alright. 

WD looked at her, deep in thought himself. He couldn’t fathom how she was rationalizing this with herself. 

“Anne, Let’s go. Don’t make me carry you myself.” 

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.”

She stubbornly refused to move, and he made good on his promise. He threw her gently over his shoulder, arm trapping the skirt.

She shrieked in surprise. “WD! Let me down!” 

He laughed. “Once we get to the table, Annie.” 

She groaned. This was just like her brother.   
\---  
Once they arrived at the table, Anne was carefully deposited in her seat. She glowered at her brother. 

“Anne, lovely to see you up and about again.” Only now did she notice that Barnum and his family were also seated at the table. 

“Nice to see you as well, Mr. Barnum,” she replied sheepishly. 

“Is everything alright?” Charity’s voice was soft and gentle. 

“Everything’s fine, Mrs. Barnum,” WD replied. 

“Then let’s eat?” It was phrased as a question, but the serving girls brought in the first course. 

Anne felt WD’s eyes on her as she desperately tried to look like she was eating. A gentle kick to her shin let her know she was failing miserably. A tear slipped out. 

“Caroline, Helen, go play in the parlor.” PT Barnum’s strong voice startled Anne. 

“But, Daddy--” Caroline started to protest. 

“C’mon, WD and I will go with you.” He accompanied this with a pointed look in WD’s direction. 

“I bet i can beat you to the parlor!” WD challenged the girls. 

“Nuh-uh! Helen’s the fastest girl in school!” Their giggles faded out as they raced through the house. 

Charity approached Anne carefully. “Anne?” 

Anne shook her head. She wanted to run away from this. She didn’t want to be here. 

“Anne, can I ask why?” 

Anne so, so wanted to give into her instinct to run away. She knew she wouldn’t even make it to a door. 

“Please...not here?” Her tone begged Charity. 

Charity swallowed, hard. “Alright. Not here.” 

She helped Anne out of the dining room. It was concerning, the way that as soon as they left the room Anne relaxed by a fraction. 

They settled into Charity’s sitting room, overlooking the backyard. “Anne?” Charity asked softly. She reached out and covered Anne’s frail hand with her own, holding back a jerk of surprise at how cold it was. “Why?” 

“So I look good in my costume, so WD and I can stay in the circus, so we have a home.” Anne’s voice was a whisper. She didn’t want to answer, but somehow knew she had to. 

“Anne...what do you mean?” Charity’s voice was thick. 

“My costume...it didn’t fit right…” Anne trailed off, trying to explain herself but not finding the words. 

“It fit alright when I measured it?” Charity was sure where this was going, but Anne had to admit it to herself before she could begin recovery.

“It...it showed...I didn’t...It didn’t look right...when I looked down...so...I...changed...to make it look right.” Anne’s words were stunted, slow. Reluctant. 

“It didn’t look right how?” Charity didn’t want to push, but this was dangerous. 

“It...it showed my stomach...pudging out.” Anne’s tears spilled over, and she pushed the words out through a sob. 

Charity knew now was not the time for words. She embraced Anne, cradling her like one of her own children. Anne sobbed, the relief at finally, finally admitting it too much for her. “It’s alright, Anne. It’s going to be alright. We will be alright.” 

The whispered platitudes were comforting, but Anne wouldn’t believe them. She’d heard them all before, and more often than not they weren’t true. She wasn’t ever ‘alright’. She barely had a frame of reference for what ‘alright’ was. She nodded, knowing it was what Charity would want to hear. 

“Are you ready to try dinner again?” Her voice was still soft. 

Anne shook her head. “Not...not with everyone in there. Please?” 

Charity nodded. If she would eat, Charity would eat on the roof with her. 

Well, maybe not on the roof. 

“Where would you feel comfortable? Just you and I?” 

“In...in here? It’s...soft... and quiet.” 

Charity nodded. “Alright. I’ll send the boys back to the table, and bring ours in here. It’s alright Anne. It’s going to be alright.” Charity ran a hand down the back of her hair, and Anne relished in the soft touch. 

It was the first time this had happened that she could believe those words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review?


	7. Wanting it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne wants to get better, she does. WD promises her that they'll help her get there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @cait_frost_11 and their wonderful insight, i struggled to write this chapter. it's short, but I wanted to put something out.

Anne woke quietly, coming back to her senses slowly. Looking around, she realized she was alone. She shivered. She didn’t want to be alone. She couldn’t be. 

“WD?” she called tentatively. She strained to hear an answer. She began to shake, fear overcoming her. 

“WD?” She tried again, louder. He opened the door, and she could read the franticness in his eyes. 

“Anne?” 

Anne didn’t know why, but she started crying. She felt him wrap his arms around her. “I’m sorry. I am. I’ll try to do better. I’m sorry.” 

WD wasn’t sure what to say. He couldn’t say it was alright, because it wasn’t. This wasn’t a good behavior. He searched for the right words, not realizing his sister was reading his silence as something completely different. 

Anne spoke through her tears. “WD...are you upset with me? I’m sorry!” 

WD held her even tighter. “No, Annie. You’re trying so hard. I’m so proud of you. I love you so much. You’re going to be alright.” 

Anne clung tightly to him, trying to believe it herself. She found she couldn’t, but she wanted it to be true. She wanted to make it true. 

“WD...i wanna...I wanna try to be better,” she whispered. 

WD held her impossibly tighter. “We’ll do it together, like we always do.” 

Anne returned the gesture. “Together,” she murmured against him. 

The siblings stayed like this for a while, drawing strength from each other. Eventually, WD heard more of the household rumbling about, and he nudged Anne. “Annie…” he whispered. 

“Hmm?” she responded. 

“Annie, i think it’s time for breakfast.”

She paled at the idea. WD took notice and reminded her, “You can do it. You and Charity have a plan, you have a quiet space. And I’m right beside you. Every step.” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise. We’re going to be okay.” 

Charity chose that moment to stick her head in the doorway. “It’s time for breakfast, care to join us?” She looked at WD, who looked at Anne. She could sense the hesitance. “It’s just the girls and I. Phin’s already run off to the circus, he’s taken Philip with him. Rather reluctantly, I add.”

WD’s mouth quirked up at the corner. He could imagine the argument the young man had probably put up. 

Anne spoke into the silence. “Can...Can it wait until the girls have gone?” Her voice was a whisper. 

Charity frowned. “I suppose, for today. Alright?” 

Anne gave a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Charity,” she whispered. Everyone could hear the shame in her tone. 

“Of course.” Charity left, leaving the siblings alone again. 

“Annie, why do you wanna wait?” WD was genuinely curious. 

“Too many people. It’s...a lot...all at once.” Her eyes remained trained on her lap. 

“Alright. We’ll get there. It’ll be alright.” 

The siblings held each other, Anne falling back to sleep. WD savored the silence. It was a rare moment when he got to enjoy the quiet alone. He looked at his sister, and considered everything she’d been through. She’d endured endless teasing, mockery of her abilities, and vile, disgusting taunts as she got older, began to look less like a child and more like a woman. The men on the street, the ones who thought themselves better than she, called her vile names, taunted her with threats of bodily harm, even before the circus. WD would be lying if he said it didn’t still make him nervous every time she went out without him. 

He barely noticed when he began to drift off as well.

Charity looked around the doorway, intending to call them both to breakfast. What she found instead led her to simply leave the door cracked open behind her. 

The two siblings were curled around each other, both contentedly asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please review.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think?


End file.
